Today is baby H’s birthday.  Tomorrow, I start back at work full-time after one year off.

Although I’ve been working one day a week since February, tomorrow still feels like the true beginning.  I’ve been thinking of May as my “New Year”.  My re-introduction.  My debutante ball, if you will.

It’s also the end of my wrinkle in time.

That’s what maternity leave has felt like.  A wrinkle in time.  During this past year, it has almost felt like time stood still, while simultaneously, time has moved far too quickly.  I don’t know how else to explain it.

All at once, in taking time off from my career to raise our son, I set aside a massive part of my life and my passion.  I actually didn’t realize just how much impact my work had on me as a person until I went on leave.  The absence of my career in my life has been a significant adjustment over this past year.  I felt like I had lost a part of me.

If that weren’t enough, on top of “hanging up” my computer, emails, business cards, strategy discussions, meetings, clients, and sometimes, it felt like, “hanging up” my brain, I had to learn how to become a mother.  And unlike your career, there’s no on-boarding plan or orientation guide for becoming a mother.

Just as I felt bringing our little bundle home for the very first time one year ago, my return to work leaves me excited and sad all at the same time.  Mourning the loss of one chapter and celebrating the beginning of a new one.  It’s transitions like this that truly cover the full spectrum of emotion.

I crave so much in my full-time return to work:

Stimulating adult conversation on the regular.

Being challenged to problem solve.

Creating.

Encouraging and supporting others on my team.

Helping clients.

Walking around without a stroller.

Popping out for lunch or a coffee on my own time.

Being a part of something that’s growing faster than we expected.

Jokes,  laughs and fun with great people every day.

Not feeling obligated to do all the cooking and laundry “because I’m at home”.

Learning. Growing. Evolving.

Freedom.

But then, it’s all the things I will miss.  All the little moments that I will now need to cram into just evenings and weekends with my son:

The thump-thump-thump of his arm, foot or head on the rail of his crib when he’s up from his nap.

The absolutely hilarious noises he makes at meal time because he’s just so darned excited about food.

Our daily walks around the neighborhood, in search of doggies, buses and delicious coffee.

Quiet mornings playing together in the family room before we get a start on our day.

4pm coffee chats with my neighbor across the street.

Giving my husband the full run down of what new little thing baby H learned or did today.

My 9:30am daily workouts during naptime.

Friday Funday with my two neighbors and their kids

His smile that just lights up his entire face.

Looking out the front window and waiting for daddy to come home.

Singing together in music class.

Virtually unlimited cuddles, tickles and giggles.

Picking him up from his crib and commenting, for the millionth time, on “how big he’s getting”

Teaching him something new and watching his face light up once he figures it out.

Learning. Growing. Evolving.

Freedom.

It’s the same…only different.  In this year I have learned and grown more as a person than ever before in my life.  No career path will teach me what I have gained, and will continue to gain, throughout this journey as a mother.

And so, as I pack up my bag tonight, pick out my stylish clothes, wash and style my hair, do my make-up tomorrow morning and get ready to head to work, I will think about my wrinkle in time.

My year with my son.

The hours, minutes and seconds that I have had the privilege of spending with him every single day.  I will think about the days where time stood still, when time couldn’t seem to pass fast enough, when I longed for this day to finally arrive because I couldn’t take it anymore, and when I considered what life would be like to stay at home full-time.  And everything else in between.

Tonight is my New Years’ Eve.  Tonight I reflect and celebrate the most challenging and rewarding year of my life.

Tonight I toast to my wrinkle in time.

[Above Photo Credit: Sweet Grace Photography]